Friday, May 18, 2012

The Joy of Failure!

Today I want to celebrate failure!
I don't mean like Calvin.  I do love Calvin and Hobbes, but this isn't quite what I'm talking about.


A while ago I read the transcript of JK Rowling's commencement address at Harvard in which she said, 
         "On this wonderful day in which we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure
...
I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew."


Is it just me, or is this comforting in an odd sort of way?  I'm not glad JK Rowling went through incredible difficulties, but I am grateful for what she made out of these dark times.  And I wonder, could she-- or would she-- have created Harry Potter without scraping bottom?


"Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."


Yesterday I listened to a man talk about losing his job, and how hard it was.  His self-image was crushed.  He'd been angry with the guy he saw as responsible-- until he realized being unemployed gave him the time and incentive he needed to go back to college and get his degree.  He finished by saying he might, some day, go back and thank that guy for getting him fired. 


My friend, Trina, recently posted a video on my FaceBook page. (I love you, Trina!)


Katy Perry- Part of Me- YouTube
I love this music video because she takes a hard thing in her life-- a failed relationship-- and uses the force behind it to create something strong in herself.


It's a hard thing to do-- to pick up the pieces, look at what's real, and decide to build something beautiful with what you have left.  But often, what people build after failure is stronger than what they had before, because the messed up parts were the ones that broke.  


Learning to pick ourselves up and get back in the game is essential to true success.  In ice skating, skiing, and learning to walk, one of the most important lessons is how to fall.  I imagine that's even more true in skydiving!  Doesn't life feel a bit like skydiving sometimes?    


Years ago my daughter had a friend who was into theatre almost as much as my kids.  I asked her mom if the daughter would be auditioning for an upcoming play, and was told she would not.  When I asked why, since it was a production she would most likely love, I was told, "She might not get the part she wants.  I try to set her up for success."


I thought about that a lot while driving around town and standing in the shower (where I ponder life) and decided that I try to set my kids up for failure.  Honestly.


I want my kids to fall early, crash young, and learn to pick themselves up when the the distance to the ground is still small.  


Because learning to fall is part of learning to fly.  


Sometimes, having the worst possible thing happen frees us to do what we always wanted to do in the first place.  Failure strips us of pretense and lets us get down to the business of creating our true selves into our best selves.


PS.  Another song that makes me think about this, besides Part of Me by Katy Perry, is Stronger by Kelly Clarkson.  I'm putting together a SONGS PAGE, with sections for different types of songs, and would Love it if after reading this, you would post a comment with a song suggestion to go with this theme!  TIA for your ideas!  =D 

7 comments:

Polly said...

I wish more people let their kids fall and fail. I go to work every day and see the outcome of kids who never failed, never learned that there IS a bounce-back, and that often times, the harder the fall, the higher the post-fall bounce.

Rebecca =) said...

Thank you, Polly.

allyssa marie milan said...

Sometimes, having the worst possible thing happen frees us to do what we always wanted to do in the first place. Failure strips us of pretense and lets us get down to the business of creating our true selves into our best selves.

I love this. You have such wonderful things to say, Rebecca. Keep sharing your insight :)

xo allyssa

Rebecca =) said...

Allyssa- Thank you! I appreciate your comments more than you can know! =D

literarykitty said...

What a lovely post. I often think of J.K. Rowling when I feel like giving up. I remember watching a documentary about her pre-Harry Potter days and finding her story really inspiring. Especially what she says about stripping away the inessential.

Danielle Hale said...

Fearless Heart, by Peter Breinholt and or Nancy Hansen. Best line says "it would kill me darlin' if we didn't even try"
I listened to it on the way home from the doctor's appointment where I found out I had lost a second baby at 17 weeks gestation. The fear of losing another baby is all encompassing, but the fear of not trying again is worse.
I always think of Bethany Hamilton who, after having her arm bit off by a shark, said that the fear of not surfing again outweighed the fear of getting attacked again.
May we all live like that!!!

Rebecca =) said...

literary kitty-- Thank you! I am working on stripping away the inessential.

Danielle- Thank you for posting another song! I will go find it tonight. And I love the movie about Bethany Hamilton.